We can do better... can't we?

 

It genuinely breaks my heart to see families and children forced to endure the reality of "wait and see" support in education until they're in crisis and it's too late.

Assessments delayed.
Support delayed.
CAMHS (laughable if the consequences weren’t so devastating).
Referrals delayed.
Endless paperwork and battles for EHCPs/ statements.
It feels utterly futile at times.
Exhausting. The emotional and mental toll is immeasurable.

I pursued two tribunals knowing full well that, despite overwhelming evidence, nothing might come of them.

Refusal to assess is a delay tactic.
Going to tribunal is a delay tactic.
Confusing procedures, inaccessible language, loopholes… delay, delay, delay.

The parent is almost always at a disadvantage unless they somehow find the capacity to research the system, learn the rules, understand the wording, anticipate the obstacles, and keep fighting long after they are already emotionally depleted. Parents become hypervigilant, and once that trust is damaged, it is incredibly hard to rebuild.

Providing a plan with inadequate support so families are forced to appeal… and wait… another delay.

The evidence was there all along, but delay often feels like the strategy in the hope that parents give up.

In the end, I won. But I dont feel any satisfaction, just exhaustion and frustration.

Why put families through this in the first place? Parents of children with additional needs are usually already carrying far more than most people realise.

It was always glaringly obvious to anyone who attempted to teach my child that he needed support. And honestly, I cannot imagine how impossible this journey would have been without the support, evidence, compassion and honesty of the teachers who truly saw him and wanted to help him succeed.

And this is an explosive child with pages of evidence from me and other professionals determined to help. What about the kids who just tick along and quietly reach burnout rather than their potential?

Schools and teachers are under immense pressure too, often trying to support children with inadequate resources, limited training, and systems that are failing them as much as families. And many times even their evidence and request for support gets knocked back too.

That’s why this shouldn’t become parents versus schools, because most of the time the real issue is the system itself. When a parent has 14 different named points of contact and 2 separate psychologists involved before an assessment has even taken place, with nobody clearly accountable, trust inevitably breaks down. Pass the buck. Child left struggling. Parents left quietly picking up the pieces day after day.

I personally had and have no spare energy for fighting. I find it because I have to, but it takes its toll. I don’t want conflict. I believe completely in collaboration.

I was involved in a forum at CiNi for parents of disabled children, and it was both eye-opening and profoundly moving hearing other families’ experiences. Beyond the despair of HSC waiting lists, the deeply troubling theme running through almost every story was how consistently children had been failed by the education system.

We can do better than this can't we?

Can't we work together as a team around the child?

No child should be left behind. Everyone deserves a chance to be the best they can be.

I won't hold my breath. But I know we can do better.